Whelp after a week where I skipped every workout I planned to do, I actually accomplished something last week. My workout schedule, at least running, is dependent on my mom's work schedule, since I'm unable to run near her house.
The week had it's highs and lows. I got off to a good start last week, I hit the bike trail for a 4 mile run on Monday. Now I probably could have picked a better time to run, instead of the middle of the day when it's 90* but it was my only opportunity to use the car so I ran. I had to stop frequently but I got my run done! Tuesday I headed to the gym for cross training and got in 15 miles on the bike. I love my time on the bike because that is when I get to watch The Clone Wars! Although at the same time I am anxious to get my bike fixed so I can ride outside on the bike trail. I was also planning on doing TRX on Tuesday but the room was being used for a workout class so I adjusted my schedule.
Wednesday was the day that I met with my case manager (for the depression) and when the weather is nice we walk on the bike trail while we talk.I walked a mile with her and then had her drop me off at the gym so I could do my missed TRX workout. I adjusted my TRX workout this week after being in so much pain after the last time I had done the workout. Instead of doing all the reps I limited my reps this time. After the gym I walked home, which put me at about 2.5 miles for the day and I planned on doing a short run that night after my mom got home from work, however the weather had other plans. Thursday morning I had an appointment so I hit the gym for cross training and TRX again. I did legs and again only did limited reps. Normally I do my cardio then TRX but decided to mix things up and do TRX first since the room was empty. Ooh boy! I haven't done legs using TRX in forever but I felt pretty good. And then I attempted to climb onto the stairmill...oof...my legs almost collapsed lol. It was at that moment that I decided to just to 10 min. on the stairs instead of 15. And I worked for every single one of those minutes! I then got in 15 min on the elliptical before walking home. So again another day.
And that's when things went off the rails, Thursday was supposed to be a rest day followed by workouts Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately Friday the workout didn't happen and then neither did Saturday or Sunday. Once Friday didn't happen I couldn't figure out which day I wanted to run, so no run happened (this is why I need a trainer). Let's hope for better things this week!!
Monday, June 19, 2017
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Accountability
Ugh, I am in a huge funk lately, I actually skipped every workout I scheduled last week. I used every excuse there is, I haven't eaten today, it's too late, I wanna watch this show first. And then there is my tendency to perfectionism, if things don't happen the way I planned, it completely throws me and then I just don't do anything. I'm not like this all the time, but it's been happening a lot lately. I'm not burned out, I just got new running shoes that I'm excited about and yet I couldn't force myself off the couch last week.
What I need at times when I get like this is someone to check in on me and make sure I'm doing what I say I'm going to do. The perfect person for this would be a running coach, but since I'm broke and not working, that isn't a possibility right now. The next choice would be an IRL friend who will text me and check on me, however since I've been in Ohio the one friend I had left has stopped talking to me and I don't know why, and since I'm not good at confrontation, I'm avoiding the whole thing (totally healthy, right?!). So I put out plea on twitter over the weekend asking for help and I had a few people reply, which felt great. (i'm feeling a little unlovable lately, best friends day just reinforced that I have been abandoned by all my IRL friends and I don't make friends easily sooooo) I'm not saying any of this so people feel bad for me, this is more for myself, a picture of where I am in life. And the pity party I'm throwing myself is going just fine :|
Anyway, so far this week I ran on Monday and almost died, rode the bike at the gym on Tuesday, hit the gym again on Wednesday to do TRX and walked before with my case mgr. and then home after my workout. However the planned run got scratched due to a storm that came through.
Long story short, while I totally appreciate everyone on Twitter helping me out and I am so grateful to the amazing fitness/running community, I really wish I could afford a coach for accountability because while I don't have a life I realize that most people have full lives and don't have the time to focus on me and my neediness. And some of these feelings are coming from my feelings of isolation that I am experiencing here in the old O.H.
If you made it all the way through my whining, wow, and thanks for reading. I promise not all my posts will be so maudlin and me feeling sorry for myself.
Monday, June 12, 2017
CLEVELAND MARATHON RECAP
Not sure if anyone will read this, so I'm mainly doing this for myself. A warning...this is gonna be long!
So here's some background. My first year running this race was 2015, I ran the half distance and I struggled. It was a warm, sunny, humid day. I started off really strong but during one of the long stretches on a more commercial road I started falling apart. But what really killed me were the last three miles on the Lake Shore Parkway. It was all hills, bright sun and getting hotter, I ended up walking a LOT! It ended up being one of my slower halfs to date but I was ok with it due to the hills. Most of my races were done in Florida where it's flat. That following August, I had signed up to run the inaugural Rock Hall of Fame Half Marathon, I thought I had trained enough, but this race was really bad. It was a smaller race so I spent a lot of time by myself on the course, there was little crowd support, bad blisters developed, I spent most of mile 9 crying as I walked down the road hoping I was still on the course. My mom kept texting me for the last few miles asking where I was and if was I ok. She ended up walking out on the course to find me and walked with me the last half mile or so asking if I wanted to run, at that point it was all I could do keep moving. I finished the race, grabbed my medal, was handed an ice pop and went to the car. It was a disappointing day and I said I didn't want to run another half marathon again. Up to this point all of my races had been fun, a three hour (or shorter) party with like minded "friends" but I had now run two races where I didn't have fun and I didn't know if I could do it again. It was several months before I even attempted to run again and when I did they were short runs. Fast forward to 2016 and I was still doing short runs, I think my longest run at that point was 3.5 miles. Yet when the Cleveland Marathon Ambassadors started doing their race giveaways I entered. And then it happened, I won another entry, oops. So then I was left with the decision, what distance do I sign up for? In the past when there are multiple distances offered, I'd always picked the longest (for me 13.1). But I was no where near prepared to run a half and didn't have the time to train, so after a lot of soul searching, I decided to go for the 10K. I had plenty of time to train for it, since I was basically starting over. I decided to put my all into this training, I wrote out my training plan on a calendar and followed it to the letter. I dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's. I was going to crush this race. Well this was the 2016 race and if anyone remembers this race is was something else, it was the #mostclevelandraceever! Rain, sleet, hail, snow, and wind! In spite of all that I had a great race, I hit my goal time and left everything on the course. After that race my training was kind of hit or miss. I tend to not be as motivated when I don't have a race on the schedule, and since I'm broke, I don't get to race as often as I'd like.
That brings us to this year, I knew I wanted to try running a half again, enough time had passed since that utter disaster. So at the start of the year, I mapped out my plan. I did a 10K training plan for base training and then immediately moved right into my half plan. The next step was winning another entry to the race! I was diligent about entering every Ambassador's contest and finally just as I was a few weeks into half training I won from the amazing Stephanie!! I had actually met her the year before at the expo, so it was cool to win from her. However the previous two years I had won from Debi and it was sad to not be winning from her again. I joked with her when she ran her contest that I'd already won and I laughed when she called me a traitor.
My base training went really well, I felt strong and was getting faster. My half training went pretty good as well but from the beginning I was a little worried because my shoes were really old. I did miss a few of my short runs but completed all of my long runs. I tended to do my long runs at our local park because of all the hills plus it wasn't an out and back route which I find boring. As long run distances increased it was getting warmer and I discovered a problem. I've already said that I have depression and anxiety and I'm on medication for it, well, as it got warmer I discovered a really nasty side effect I hadn't really noticed throughout the winter months, I wasn't sweating as much as I had in the past. It was causing me to get overheated and then feeling dehydrated even though I carry water on all runs, short or long. There were a few runs at the park, where I was stopping at every drinking fountain and soaking my arms and neck in cold water. After three runs like this and getting concerned about race day, I decided to stop taking the medication that was causing the problem. The main reason for the med was to help me shut my mind off so I could sleep so I didn't anticipate any problems with stopping. And hurrah hurrah guess what, after two days off the medication, I started to sweat normally again. (In case anyone is concerned I have talked to the nurse practitioner and have started a new medication to replace the old one) My concerns about my shoes were not unwarranted, I started having some ankle issues,i was hearing an occassional clicking when I walked. I knew I needed to replace the shoes, but without money I had to make due. I did in the mean time enter every shoe giveaway I ran across in the hopes of winning a new pair, alas it never happened. After my nine mile run I spent a few days with really bad foot pain and ended up not running again until my 10 mile run. The pain wasn't as bad after that run, so I was trying to be optimistic about the race. Side note: in case anyone doesn't follow me on twitter, I whined my way through that run, I was hot, my legs didn't want to move, I just kept stopping and sitting down.
So enter race week, since I don't have a car, I had to plan my trip to the expo around my mom's schedule (which is fine) thus it was decided we would head up to Cleveland on Saturday. I do all the driving when we go to Cleveland, since traffic doesn't make me nervous and I have a great sense of direction. We got to Cleveland, parked the car and walked to the expo. It was a nice cool, windy day which would be perfect race weather! The Cleveland Marathon Expo is always really well run and super organized! I found my race number and headed downstairs to grab my bib, shirt, key chain and check out the vendors. Ooh but before I went down I found my name on the race wall, I've never done a race where I've seen my name like this, it made me super excited!
The bib and packet pick-up was set up around the outside and then funneled you into the vendors, which worked really well. I didn't have any long lines to wait in and made it through the actual pick-up fairly quickly and then it was on to see what all I could drool over. Plus I was excited about meeting some of the Ambassadors who were there promoting their books. My mom is awesome in that she lets me just wander and spend the time that I want looking at everything. I was so excited to meet Jill Grunenwald, author of Running With a Police Escort. If you haven't read this yet, put it on your list!! It was awesome finally getting to meet her and talk running. I also ran into Pam, another Ambassador and a bad ass triathlete, and her husband Steve at the pacers booth. Shortly after seeing them mom and I left for home, so I could rest before the race the next morning.
Race eve was pretty normal, eat dinner, lay out everything for the race and make sure everything that needs charging is charged. I tried going to bed early but I'm really not good at it and when I did go to bed I'm really not sure I slept much. Shortly after I finally fell asleep my alarm went off and it was time to get up and get ready. Since I live so far away getting up in the middle of the night is necessary to get to Cleveland before the streets close. Mom and I headed out at 4am and got on the road.
The drive to Cleveland was pretty uneventful and we made it town really early before most of the othre traffic. We parked in a garage and sat waiting for it to be closer to race time. I ate my breakfast and drank my water until it was time to get ready, I put on my sunscreen, vaselined up my feet, pinned on my bib, and wrapped up my phone. Mom and I headed to the Q to use the indoor bathrooms and on the way there I ran into Stephanie. It was great getting to see the person I won my entry from and get a selfie with her. Mom and I then headed into the Q and found bathrooms with a short line. Then we just wandered around for a while inside because the wind made it cooler and it was still early. Eventually we headed back outside and parted ways, mom to the start line to cheer and me to the back of the pack. Those of us in the back discussed being a bit nervous about the impending rain and finishing before it started. I knew it would be close for me and I felt bad for those running the full.
After the National Anthem was played, the race started and about 10 minutes later I crossed the start line. It was finally go time! I pushed start on my watch and was off! Now I love the organization of this race but my big problem is this, there are people walking the races and they start in the wrong corral and I spend way too much time weaving around people walking. Now I do run/walk/run but I also move to the side when I walk out of courtesy for anyone behind me. The people walking at this race just walk where ever they want and aren't concerned about anyone who might be faster. It took me about a mile and half to finally get to a point where I wasn't having to go around as many people. Ooh sidenote - I'd forgotten my sunglasses in the car (oops) so I tried to stick to the shade as much as possible. This was one time I loved tall buildings. The course was new this year and it was nice, we started out going north for a few blocks before heading east through Playhouse Square, then turning north again and looping back to head towards the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Browns stadium. Once past the stadium we started our trek to the west side. The downhill into the warehouse district was fun. I channeled Kelly Roberts and just kinda "Let it Go (Fly)" We passed a very cool ad for the Hall of Fame featuring Prince in this section. I was still feeling ok at this point and then mile 4 happened. Just past the 4 mile marker we hit THE HILL!! I knew it was coming, I saw it on the elevation maps but when I saw it IRL it was soooo much different. The incline on this thing was crazy, I think everyone around me took the same strategy and walked! The 10K/half/full split at the top of the hill. The 10K went right to head back and the rest of us headed to the left. A few blocks after the split I recognized a turn from the old course. We were heading into the neighborhoods and the crowd support was increasing. These neighborhoods almost have block parties to cheer on the runners. It's a really fun atmosphere!
Close to mile 6 is where I started to run into problems. I had put tons of vaseline on my feet to prevent blisters but was starting to feel a rubbing on the ball of my right foot. As I was suffering with the foot pain, I saw my crush Sandy Alomar Jr. on a billboard for cycle safety. Now typically I would have taken my phone out and taken pics but my foot was hurting so much I was just focused on moving forward. It was also during this time ran into a fellow runner carrying a Gate River Run backpack! I caught up with her, she had just passed me, and we talked about the race. She and her husband go down to Jax every year for the race. Shortly after chatting with these lovely ladies we finally came to the water stop/aid station I had been looking for! I went to the aid workers and they put more vaseline on my foot and I was back under way. It took a little while before I wasn't feeling every step, so my intervals changed a bit, I think I started running 30 walking 60.
Then things slid further downhill, after mile 7, the lower back pain started (remember those old shoes I'm running in). I did the best I could, I was still trying to stick with my intervals but at times the pain was just too much. In retrospect I should have stopped at another aid station and asked for aspirin. In spite of my pain and my slowing pace slowing, I was still passing people. There was a group of firefighters running in full gear and I ended up passing two of them. (Go me!) I was still chatting with everyone around me and trying to enjoy the journey. I got to play with bubbles, do some hopping (the sign said to hop, who am I to argue with a sign?) It started to sprinkle between miles 9 and 10 and just past 10 the marathoners split off and the 13ers headed to the right to head to the finish line. I think we went maybe half a mile before we were back with the marathoners that were almost done, DAMN! We had 2 miles to go and the rain was coming down heavier. At mile 12 I was doing more walking than running due to the intense pain. I knew from looking at my watch that I was going to miss my goal time and it's almost like I gave up. The rain was a downpour and when I saw the final bridge into the finish line I didn't even try to run, this was when my butt started hurting (who knew that was possible). I had Pam's husband Steve pass me again (he did in 2015 too). As I got to the bottom of the bridge I could hear John Adams, Cleveland baseball drummer, beating on his drum and I tried running again. I could see the finish but it's amazing how far away it looked. I kept plodding on making my way toward that goal and looking for my mom in the crowds. I finally made it, ran across the finish line and just wanted to cry, I hurt. I was handed my medal and as I looked to the right, there was my mom! I went to her and said "everything hurts". She said I'll meet you at the exit and I headed through the finishers chute, grabbing water, pretzels, strawberry milk and a banana, plus getting another pic taken. But funny thing, I never remember to have my mom take a picture of me with me medal after I finish, so the only ones I have are the official ones. 😞
I wasn't interested in any of the finish line festivities, all I wanted to do was put on dry clothes and go home, so we headed back to the car. We got back to the car and I changed into dry clothes and we headed home, stopping along the way to get something to eat.
Looking back, I learned a few things, being poor and a runner doesn't work really well, no money for shoes. I would love to get back to my Florida weight to make running 13ers easier. And I will run another half! This was fun (until the pain), the other runners were awesome, the volunteers were fabulous and the aid workers are great!!
If anyone made it all the way through this, congratulations!! And thanks for reading this!
So here's some background. My first year running this race was 2015, I ran the half distance and I struggled. It was a warm, sunny, humid day. I started off really strong but during one of the long stretches on a more commercial road I started falling apart. But what really killed me were the last three miles on the Lake Shore Parkway. It was all hills, bright sun and getting hotter, I ended up walking a LOT! It ended up being one of my slower halfs to date but I was ok with it due to the hills. Most of my races were done in Florida where it's flat. That following August, I had signed up to run the inaugural Rock Hall of Fame Half Marathon, I thought I had trained enough, but this race was really bad. It was a smaller race so I spent a lot of time by myself on the course, there was little crowd support, bad blisters developed, I spent most of mile 9 crying as I walked down the road hoping I was still on the course. My mom kept texting me for the last few miles asking where I was and if was I ok. She ended up walking out on the course to find me and walked with me the last half mile or so asking if I wanted to run, at that point it was all I could do keep moving. I finished the race, grabbed my medal, was handed an ice pop and went to the car. It was a disappointing day and I said I didn't want to run another half marathon again. Up to this point all of my races had been fun, a three hour (or shorter) party with like minded "friends" but I had now run two races where I didn't have fun and I didn't know if I could do it again. It was several months before I even attempted to run again and when I did they were short runs. Fast forward to 2016 and I was still doing short runs, I think my longest run at that point was 3.5 miles. Yet when the Cleveland Marathon Ambassadors started doing their race giveaways I entered. And then it happened, I won another entry, oops. So then I was left with the decision, what distance do I sign up for? In the past when there are multiple distances offered, I'd always picked the longest (for me 13.1). But I was no where near prepared to run a half and didn't have the time to train, so after a lot of soul searching, I decided to go for the 10K. I had plenty of time to train for it, since I was basically starting over. I decided to put my all into this training, I wrote out my training plan on a calendar and followed it to the letter. I dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's. I was going to crush this race. Well this was the 2016 race and if anyone remembers this race is was something else, it was the #mostclevelandraceever! Rain, sleet, hail, snow, and wind! In spite of all that I had a great race, I hit my goal time and left everything on the course. After that race my training was kind of hit or miss. I tend to not be as motivated when I don't have a race on the schedule, and since I'm broke, I don't get to race as often as I'd like.
That brings us to this year, I knew I wanted to try running a half again, enough time had passed since that utter disaster. So at the start of the year, I mapped out my plan. I did a 10K training plan for base training and then immediately moved right into my half plan. The next step was winning another entry to the race! I was diligent about entering every Ambassador's contest and finally just as I was a few weeks into half training I won from the amazing Stephanie!! I had actually met her the year before at the expo, so it was cool to win from her. However the previous two years I had won from Debi and it was sad to not be winning from her again. I joked with her when she ran her contest that I'd already won and I laughed when she called me a traitor.
My base training went really well, I felt strong and was getting faster. My half training went pretty good as well but from the beginning I was a little worried because my shoes were really old. I did miss a few of my short runs but completed all of my long runs. I tended to do my long runs at our local park because of all the hills plus it wasn't an out and back route which I find boring. As long run distances increased it was getting warmer and I discovered a problem. I've already said that I have depression and anxiety and I'm on medication for it, well, as it got warmer I discovered a really nasty side effect I hadn't really noticed throughout the winter months, I wasn't sweating as much as I had in the past. It was causing me to get overheated and then feeling dehydrated even though I carry water on all runs, short or long. There were a few runs at the park, where I was stopping at every drinking fountain and soaking my arms and neck in cold water. After three runs like this and getting concerned about race day, I decided to stop taking the medication that was causing the problem. The main reason for the med was to help me shut my mind off so I could sleep so I didn't anticipate any problems with stopping. And hurrah hurrah guess what, after two days off the medication, I started to sweat normally again. (In case anyone is concerned I have talked to the nurse practitioner and have started a new medication to replace the old one) My concerns about my shoes were not unwarranted, I started having some ankle issues,i was hearing an occassional clicking when I walked. I knew I needed to replace the shoes, but without money I had to make due. I did in the mean time enter every shoe giveaway I ran across in the hopes of winning a new pair, alas it never happened. After my nine mile run I spent a few days with really bad foot pain and ended up not running again until my 10 mile run. The pain wasn't as bad after that run, so I was trying to be optimistic about the race. Side note: in case anyone doesn't follow me on twitter, I whined my way through that run, I was hot, my legs didn't want to move, I just kept stopping and sitting down.
So enter race week, since I don't have a car, I had to plan my trip to the expo around my mom's schedule (which is fine) thus it was decided we would head up to Cleveland on Saturday. I do all the driving when we go to Cleveland, since traffic doesn't make me nervous and I have a great sense of direction. We got to Cleveland, parked the car and walked to the expo. It was a nice cool, windy day which would be perfect race weather! The Cleveland Marathon Expo is always really well run and super organized! I found my race number and headed downstairs to grab my bib, shirt, key chain and check out the vendors. Ooh but before I went down I found my name on the race wall, I've never done a race where I've seen my name like this, it made me super excited!
The bib and packet pick-up was set up around the outside and then funneled you into the vendors, which worked really well. I didn't have any long lines to wait in and made it through the actual pick-up fairly quickly and then it was on to see what all I could drool over. Plus I was excited about meeting some of the Ambassadors who were there promoting their books. My mom is awesome in that she lets me just wander and spend the time that I want looking at everything. I was so excited to meet Jill Grunenwald, author of Running With a Police Escort. If you haven't read this yet, put it on your list!! It was awesome finally getting to meet her and talk running. I also ran into Pam, another Ambassador and a bad ass triathlete, and her husband Steve at the pacers booth. Shortly after seeing them mom and I left for home, so I could rest before the race the next morning.
Race eve was pretty normal, eat dinner, lay out everything for the race and make sure everything that needs charging is charged. I tried going to bed early but I'm really not good at it and when I did go to bed I'm really not sure I slept much. Shortly after I finally fell asleep my alarm went off and it was time to get up and get ready. Since I live so far away getting up in the middle of the night is necessary to get to Cleveland before the streets close. Mom and I headed out at 4am and got on the road.
The drive to Cleveland was pretty uneventful and we made it town really early before most of the othre traffic. We parked in a garage and sat waiting for it to be closer to race time. I ate my breakfast and drank my water until it was time to get ready, I put on my sunscreen, vaselined up my feet, pinned on my bib, and wrapped up my phone. Mom and I headed to the Q to use the indoor bathrooms and on the way there I ran into Stephanie. It was great getting to see the person I won my entry from and get a selfie with her. Mom and I then headed into the Q and found bathrooms with a short line. Then we just wandered around for a while inside because the wind made it cooler and it was still early. Eventually we headed back outside and parted ways, mom to the start line to cheer and me to the back of the pack. Those of us in the back discussed being a bit nervous about the impending rain and finishing before it started. I knew it would be close for me and I felt bad for those running the full.
After the National Anthem was played, the race started and about 10 minutes later I crossed the start line. It was finally go time! I pushed start on my watch and was off! Now I love the organization of this race but my big problem is this, there are people walking the races and they start in the wrong corral and I spend way too much time weaving around people walking. Now I do run/walk/run but I also move to the side when I walk out of courtesy for anyone behind me. The people walking at this race just walk where ever they want and aren't concerned about anyone who might be faster. It took me about a mile and half to finally get to a point where I wasn't having to go around as many people. Ooh sidenote - I'd forgotten my sunglasses in the car (oops) so I tried to stick to the shade as much as possible. This was one time I loved tall buildings. The course was new this year and it was nice, we started out going north for a few blocks before heading east through Playhouse Square, then turning north again and looping back to head towards the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Browns stadium. Once past the stadium we started our trek to the west side. The downhill into the warehouse district was fun. I channeled Kelly Roberts and just kinda "Let it Go (Fly)" We passed a very cool ad for the Hall of Fame featuring Prince in this section. I was still feeling ok at this point and then mile 4 happened. Just past the 4 mile marker we hit THE HILL!! I knew it was coming, I saw it on the elevation maps but when I saw it IRL it was soooo much different. The incline on this thing was crazy, I think everyone around me took the same strategy and walked! The 10K/half/full split at the top of the hill. The 10K went right to head back and the rest of us headed to the left. A few blocks after the split I recognized a turn from the old course. We were heading into the neighborhoods and the crowd support was increasing. These neighborhoods almost have block parties to cheer on the runners. It's a really fun atmosphere!
Close to mile 6 is where I started to run into problems. I had put tons of vaseline on my feet to prevent blisters but was starting to feel a rubbing on the ball of my right foot. As I was suffering with the foot pain, I saw my crush Sandy Alomar Jr. on a billboard for cycle safety. Now typically I would have taken my phone out and taken pics but my foot was hurting so much I was just focused on moving forward. It was also during this time ran into a fellow runner carrying a Gate River Run backpack! I caught up with her, she had just passed me, and we talked about the race. She and her husband go down to Jax every year for the race. Shortly after chatting with these lovely ladies we finally came to the water stop/aid station I had been looking for! I went to the aid workers and they put more vaseline on my foot and I was back under way. It took a little while before I wasn't feeling every step, so my intervals changed a bit, I think I started running 30 walking 60.
Then things slid further downhill, after mile 7, the lower back pain started (remember those old shoes I'm running in). I did the best I could, I was still trying to stick with my intervals but at times the pain was just too much. In retrospect I should have stopped at another aid station and asked for aspirin. In spite of my pain and my slowing pace slowing, I was still passing people. There was a group of firefighters running in full gear and I ended up passing two of them. (Go me!) I was still chatting with everyone around me and trying to enjoy the journey. I got to play with bubbles, do some hopping (the sign said to hop, who am I to argue with a sign?) It started to sprinkle between miles 9 and 10 and just past 10 the marathoners split off and the 13ers headed to the right to head to the finish line. I think we went maybe half a mile before we were back with the marathoners that were almost done, DAMN! We had 2 miles to go and the rain was coming down heavier. At mile 12 I was doing more walking than running due to the intense pain. I knew from looking at my watch that I was going to miss my goal time and it's almost like I gave up. The rain was a downpour and when I saw the final bridge into the finish line I didn't even try to run, this was when my butt started hurting (who knew that was possible). I had Pam's husband Steve pass me again (he did in 2015 too). As I got to the bottom of the bridge I could hear John Adams, Cleveland baseball drummer, beating on his drum and I tried running again. I could see the finish but it's amazing how far away it looked. I kept plodding on making my way toward that goal and looking for my mom in the crowds. I finally made it, ran across the finish line and just wanted to cry, I hurt. I was handed my medal and as I looked to the right, there was my mom! I went to her and said "everything hurts". She said I'll meet you at the exit and I headed through the finishers chute, grabbing water, pretzels, strawberry milk and a banana, plus getting another pic taken. But funny thing, I never remember to have my mom take a picture of me with me medal after I finish, so the only ones I have are the official ones. 😞
I wasn't interested in any of the finish line festivities, all I wanted to do was put on dry clothes and go home, so we headed back to the car. We got back to the car and I changed into dry clothes and we headed home, stopping along the way to get something to eat.
Looking back, I learned a few things, being poor and a runner doesn't work really well, no money for shoes. I would love to get back to my Florida weight to make running 13ers easier. And I will run another half! This was fun (until the pain), the other runners were awesome, the volunteers were fabulous and the aid workers are great!!
If anyone made it all the way through this, congratulations!! And thanks for reading this!
Monday, June 5, 2017
WELCOME TO MY WORLD
I've started numerous other blogs before and kept them buried or superficial. So I'm trying something new and making this public, for accountability, and actually sharing more than I ever have. It'll be about my ups and downs, the triumphs, the doubts, the successes, the insecurities. Basically it's the journey of a person with mental illness as they train for a healthy future.
If you don't follow me on Twitter my name is Tiffany and I'm currently stuck, as I jokingly say, in northeast Ohio, while I deal with health issues, namely, depression. I've been dealing with major depression and social anxiety for almost 30 years and have been on and off medication during that time.
Just some brief background for where I am now, in 2013 I moved from my beloved Jacksonville, FL, where I had a support system for a job. My depressed mind thought this would be a good idea. It wasn't, I was isolated, I was miserable in my job, the weather was awful and I missed home and my friends. My depression worsened due to lack of treatment (for almost 1 1/2 years at this point) and I lost my job. I am eternally grateful for my mom, she rescued me. She drove down and helped me pack up my life and drove me to Ohio and moved me in with her. I don't know that I had ever been as depressed as I was at this point. All I did was sleep, stare at the wall and cry. I tried running but running and crying don't mix.
I eventually got on Medicaid since I wasn't working and got a therapist and a nurse (for medication) and started the long journey back to normal. My normal will be living back in Florida and supporting myself, so obviously I'm not there yet. We just recently got my meds figured out after a long few months of trial and error (if you are on any meds you know this isn't fun).
I'm open about what I've been through because the more people talk about it then maybe more people will seek treatment when it's needed.
I hope I didn't scare anyone off. I swear this blog isn't going to be all about depression. It really will be about my training, I swear. You just get to watch a depressed mind process it lol. So that's my story, I'm 45 years old, unemployed, living with my mom and training for a healthy future. I hope you'll join me for the ride, it's going to be interesting.
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