Accountability

Ugh, I am in a huge funk lately, I actually skipped every workout I scheduled last week. I used every excuse there is, I haven't eaten today, it's too late, I wanna watch this show first. And then there is my tendency to perfectionism, if things don't happen the way I planned, it completely throws me and then I just don't do anything. I'm not like this all the time, but it's been happening a lot lately. I'm not burned out, I just got new running shoes that I'm excited about and yet I couldn't force myself off the couch last week.

What I need at times when I get like this is someone to check in on me and make sure I'm doing what I say I'm going to do. The perfect person for this would be a running coach, but since I'm broke and not working, that isn't a possibility right now. The next choice would be an IRL friend who will text me and check on me, however since I've been in Ohio the one friend I had left has stopped talking to me and I don't know why, and since I'm not good at confrontation, I'm avoiding the whole thing (totally healthy, right?!). So I put out plea on twitter over the weekend asking for help and I had a few people reply, which felt great. (i'm feeling a little unlovable lately, best friends day just reinforced that I have been abandoned by all my IRL friends and I don't make friends easily sooooo) I'm not saying any of this so people feel bad for me, this is more for myself, a picture of where I am in life. And the pity party I'm throwing myself is going just fine :| 

Anyway, so far this week I ran on Monday and almost died, rode the bike at the gym on Tuesday, hit the gym again on Wednesday to do TRX and walked before with my case mgr. and then home after my workout. However the planned run got scratched due to a storm that came through. 

Long story short, while I totally appreciate everyone on Twitter helping me out and I am so grateful to the amazing fitness/running community, I really wish I could afford a coach for accountability because while I don't have a life I realize that most people have full lives and don't have the time to focus on me and my neediness. And some of these feelings are coming from my feelings of isolation that I am experiencing here in the old O.H. 

If you made it all the way through my whining, wow, and thanks for reading. I promise not all my posts will be so maudlin and me feeling sorry for myself.